Tattered on My Sleeve Read online

  He’s right, we’re a houseful of hustlers and thugs, not psychiatrists. “Fine. What do you suggest?”

  He cocks his head in a way that lets me know I’m working his last fucking nerve. “Do I look like Dr. Fucking Phil to you?” he asks, echoing my thoughts.

  I stay silent. I can wait him out.

  A heavy sigh. “Fine. First of all, wipe that look off your face. She’s a survivor. She doesn’t need your pity. She sees it, she’ll freeze up. Second, stop fucking around, or at least stop doing it in front of her.”

  “While she keeps fucking my brothers? Sounds legit,” I say with a great deal of sarcasm.

  One of these days, I should reevaluate my need to flirt with death. Rock cracks his knuckles like he’s thinking of knocking me out. “I’ll help you however I can. But you’re going to have to lay claim on her sometime this century.”

  Whoa. “One step at a time, brother.”

  Rock’s face turns a little less murderous. “You’re going to have to cut her some slack. Understand the only value she thinks she has is for sex. From the time she was eight years old, she watched her mother earn her keep by spreading her legs for the club. And even though Trinity didn’t have a choice in the matter, she’s been doing the same since she was sixteen. It’s the only way she knows how to feel accepted. She doesn’t know anything else. You upset her, make her feel like shit, she’s gonna jump on the first cock she sees. She thinks you’re mad at her, she’ll try to fuck you out of it. Try giving her something besides sex to feel good about.”

  Fuck me. I think of all the things I like about Trinity. Sex is very high on the list, but it’s not the only thing. “Thanks for the psychology lesson. Smart move installing someone with her issues as club ass here.”

  Rock’s eyes darken as he throws a scowl at me. “Fuck you. Would it have been better for her to get torn up and killed by the Saints? Let her find her way to some other MC that wouldn’t give her an ounce of respect? That’s what would have happened.”

  I think about how much Trinity hates being on her knees. Here, the guys accepted it. Maybe joked about her odd behavior behind her back a little, but another club? She might not be so lucky.

  A flashback to the night we met grips me and fills me with disgust. What I thought she’d said as some weird challenge had probably been a result of the abuse she suffered as a kid.

  Rock sighs. “At least she’s safe here. She can say no if she wants to. Not one guy here will force himself on her, or drug her, or any of the other shit she went through.”

  I swallow back the tidal wave of guilt threatening to crash over me. “I want to make things work. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing though.”

  “Do any of us? Think about all the fucked-up shit she’s been through. Her parents, the fire, her time with the Saints. Any one of those things would make some people give up. But she didn’t. Fought her way out of that cesspool. Think about the person she is—sweet and smart. Loyal to the core. Always has a kind word for everyone. Always eager to help out. Can’t imagine what this place would look like without her.”

  Every word’s the truth. We all take Trinity for granted.

  Rock raises his voice, in case he doesn’t have my full attention. “Somehow she managed to finish high school in that fucked-up place. I know she’d been accepted to college but never got to go.” Rock slaps the table to get me to look at him. “When she’s testing you, set your massive ego aside and focus on those things.”

  “I will.” And I meant it. We’d wasted too many years already.

  From now on, I would do better for Trinity.

  There was no other option.

  I find Trinity in the downstairs laundry room, folding sheets, towels, and crap like that. It strikes me hard how much I hate she’s basically a maid some of us use for sex. The biker thug in me knows that’s what a club mama is, but the caveman obsessed with Trinity wants to burn the clubhouse to the ground and carry my woman off into the woods.

  Shaking the awful feeling that settled over me after my conversation with Rock has been impossible. I see Trinity in a different light. Not pity. Admiration? I feel like such an asshole for ever being jealous of the way she fawns over the other guys. Fussing over them for their birthdays, the parties for Teller and Murphy when we patched them in. It’s her way of showing appreciation for our shelter and protection.

  Clearing my throat to get her attention, I relax my jaw and actually think about what I want to say.

  “Hey, Wrath.”

  “Hey.”

  She sets down the towel and focuses her attention on me.

  “I, uh, wanted to apologize for the other day.”

  She drops her gaze to the floor. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. We had a good time.”

  My jaw clenches again. It was more than a good time for me. It fucking shattered me into a million pieces hearing her say how she trusted me from the second we met. Knowing the full extent of how badly I fucked up afterward doesn’t sit well.

  I want to make it up to her. “Well, how would you feel about spending more time together?”

  She tilts her head and folds her arms over her chest. “Why?”

  Because I need you.

  “Well, you know I’ve got that big fight coming up, right?”

  “Yeah,” she answers slowly.

  “I could use your help training, getting ready.”

  “I don’t know anything about fighting.”

  “Not the fighting part.” Shit, I have to make this up as I go along. “Like a personal assistant. Um, organizing my schedule of classes. Helping me with meal plans. That kind of stuff.”

  By the excited gleam in her eye, I know I’ve got her. Warming up to this plan, I start spouting off more nonsense. “I’m just worried ‘cause the last fight was a little harder.” By harder, I meant I actually broke a sweat, but she doesn’t need to know that. “Gettin’ older. I need to take this shit more seriously or I’ll get hurt.”

  Her eyes widen as if the idea of me getting injured never occurred to her, which pleases me no end. I also know what a dick I’m being by using her concern to my advantage.

  I’m completely confident in my ability to beat the shit out of whoever they put me up against. But this time, Trinity isn’t slipping out of my grasp, so I’ll use whatever weapons I have at my disposal.

  “What would I do?”

  “I’ve got a meal plan, but it’s complicated.” My lips curve into my best meathead smile. “You know, small meals every two hours with a balance of proteins, fats, and carbs according to when I work out. I’d love your help keeping it all organized.”

  “Okay.”

  “And I’ll be working myself to exhaustion at the gym, so a ride, would be helpful too.”

  This serves two purposes for me. Keeping Trinity away from the other guys and spending lots of time together where she can watch me in all my sweaty glory.

  “What about my stuff around here?”

  “This is a priority, Trin. I already talked to Rock about it.” That’s not true, but I’m headed to talk to him next. “He’s gonna talk to some of the girls and the prospects about pitching in more. Ordering supplies or whatever for the house, you can do from my office down at the gym.”

  “I’m not a nutritionist or anything.”

  “I know, but you’re smart. If I give you some articles and stuff, you can make sense of all of it for me.”

  The corners of her mouth twitch up but she’s still watching me with suspicious eyes. I guess over the years, I’ve given her the impression I don’t think highly of her. When the exact opposite is true.

  Even though I have ulterior motives, I’m excited about my plan. Trinity’s smart and knows how to organize shit. Having her help while I condition myself for this fight excites the fuck out of me. I’m already in damn good shape, but I’ll be the motherfuckin’ Terminator by the time this fight rolls around.

  I’m not sure what to make of Wrath’s proposal. Part of me is fl
attered. Part of me is cautious. We don’t exactly always get along.

  Can I tolerate spending days at the gym, watching Wrath punch things? Preparing himself to take punches? As complicated as our relationship is, I can’t stand the thought of him hurt. If he thinks I can somehow help him, of course I want to.

  And the hint of vulnerability Wrath showed when he asked me to help him went straight to my heart. His faith that I have some sort of skill that will be useful in helping him win his fight, makes me proud. From what he said, a win will mean a lot for the club.

  There’s no way I’d turn him down.

  “Okay, I’m in.”

  A grin splits his face. “Fuck yeah, baby.” He grabs me around the waist, yanks me to him, and crushes his mouth against mine.

  He releases me so fast I wonder if I imagined it. The sweet burn of his kiss still lingers on my lips. My pulse is in overdrive.

  He catches my eye. “We’ll start Monday.”

  Settle down. This isn’t about sex. It’s about helping the club.

  I can’t get carried away and let myself fall into bed with Wrath again.

  Four years ago…

  Wrath finally managed to open the gym he’d told me about when we first met. Every member of the Lost Kings came to Furious Fitness for the grand opening. They even included me. None of the other club girls were invited. A flicker of panic settled over me, but I knew Rock would never let anything bad happen to me. Once I had the invite, I began planning what to do. If left up to Wrath, I knew there would be no refreshments or anything.

  I arrived at the gym at four to set stuff up. Just before six, Wrath’s voice startled me out of my preparations.

  “Trinity, you didn’t have to do this.”

  My shoulders sagged. I knew he’d be pissed.

  His hands gripped the tops of my arms and turned me around. “Thank you. This looks really nice.”

  I beamed at him. “I’m so happy for you. The place looks great. I know you’ve wanted this for a long time.”

  His face clouded over, and I regretted mentioning our time together four years ago. It was still a sore subject between us. Since the few fights back then, we’d barely spoken to each other, even though we lived in the same house. He took every long-distance run the club had, so he wasn’t around much.

  I suspected it had everything to do with not wanting to see me. Not wanting to see what I’d become. After our last fight, it sank in how badly I’d fucked up. No one had ever loved me or given a shit about me before. So it was hard to understand Wrath’s feelings might have run deeper than a few nights of hot sex.

  Besides my generous rack and my willingness to spread my legs for him the night we met, what on earth could a guy like Wrath possibly like about me?

  I couldn’t figure it out. But it didn’t matter because he was done with me. Especially once it spread through the clubhouse that I had also taken up with Z. He was fun in bed. Always made sure I came first, respected my boundaries and most importantly kept Teller from getting too close.

  A few years later, Murphy joined in on my hook-ups with Teller. All of it good, but meaningless sex that helped me regain control and feel alive instead of the constant deadness I carried around inside. I had no clue what love was, but I liked them. Teller and I were closer. Murphy pretty much enjoyed getting off and getting gone. All things considered, I shouldn’t have had any complaints.

  Every few weeks or months, I’d run into Wrath. We’d stare knives at each other, and later I’d fall face down on my mattress, crying my eyes out. When I cleaned myself up, I’d find one of the brothers to help me ease the pain.

  It worked.

  In our really fucked-up world, it worked.

  Sometimes he’d catch me upstairs, leaving one of the bedrooms. Those times were the worst, because shortly after, I’d catch him in the living room, getting a blowjob from one of the other club girls. Or worse, find him with one bent over the back of the couch while he rammed into her from behind. His accusing eyes always found mine. As if I’d done this to us alone.

  The fact that he even wanted me at his gym the night of the grand opening meant a lot to me.

  “You want to see the whole place?” he asked with a slight smile.

  “Sure.”

  Wrath showed his place off with pride. Two classrooms, two locker rooms, a weight room, cardio room, and a fighting ring. It wasn’t huge, but everything seemed to be top of the line. We ended the tour at his office.

  “I’m going to grab my stuff from the car and change.”

  He tilted his head, glancing up and down at the jeans and sweatshirt I wore.

  Heat streaked across my face as I scooped up my car keys. Pushing through the back door, I jogged out to the parking lot. I never dressed up for anything. Didn’t really have much of a reason to. But tonight, I wanted to put a little more effort into my appearance.

  The colors Wrath had chosen for the gym were royal blue and black—shocking, right?

  I chose a royal-blue dress that straddled the line between sexy and classy. At least I thought it did. I didn’t have a lot of experience with the latter.

  After twisting my hair into a knot, I applied a bit more makeup than I normally bothered with. Then I slipped into a pair of black heels and checked my reflection in the full-length mirror behind the bathroom door.

  I looked ridiculous.

  Before I could chicken out and change back into my jeans, Wrath rapped his knuckles against the door.

  “Trin, you okay?”

  “Yeah.” Shit. Avoiding the mirror, I stuffed everything back in my bag and opened the door.

  Wrath staggered backward when he saw me.

  “Don’t,” I growled.

  “What? You look amazing. Beautiful. You dressed up for me? For my…” He trailed off.

  At the time, I hadn’t thought of it that way. But I guess, yeah, I had.

  He held out his hand, and unsure of what he wanted, I hesitated, until he slipped my bag out of my grasp. “I’ll put this in my office for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “The rest of the guys should be here soon, and there are some other people I invited.”

  “Okay.”

  A slow, warm smile spread over Wrath’s face. “I’m really happy you’re here.”

  So was I.

  I couldn’t keep my eyes off Trinity as she nervously floated around the room. She mainly stuck to hanging with my brothers, but I caught her talking to a couple of the other trainers too. I couldn’t get over the sight of her all dressed-up. The bright-blue dress made her honey eyes and gold hair even more beautiful. The blue of the dress matched my gym’s blue, and I wondered if she’d done that on purpose. Absurd as it was, she stunned me, and like a pathetic puppy, my eyes followed her everywhere.

  To make this gym work, I went to people I knew outside the club—with the club’s blessing, of course—for both investors and trainers. I knew enough about underground fighting and street brawling. I’m plenty lethal, but I knew fuck-all about professional regulations and shit like that.

  Most of the guys I chose to work with me bordered the line between civilian and outlaw. Types who kept their mouths shut. Except for Whisper, the sergeant-at-arms of the Wolf Knights MC, there wasn’t another biker involved.

  A guy I’d known for a long time, Jake “Snake Charmer” Wallace, approached Trinity, and I struggled to focus on the conversation in front of me. Jake’s call name would have been “pussy charmer” except no one wanted to announce that in the ring. I was familiar enough with his reputation that my blood started to boil watching him with his game face on, talking to my girl.

  My girl. Ridiculous.

  It was bad enough I knew she hooked up with my brothers on the regular. This ain’t happening. Especially not in my gym.

  “Excuse me, Marshall,” I blurted out before stalking away.

  Trinity glanced up as I approached. Her thankful expression calmed me down a notch or two. She had no interest in what Snak
e Charmer was selling.

  “Hi, Wrath,” she said with a nervous giggle while wrapping her fingers around my forearm. “Your friend Jake was telling me he’s going to teach a self-defense class for women. That’s pretty cool. Maybe I’ll try it.”

  “No,” I answered flatly.

  Jake’s lips quirked. Trinity flinched against me. Meeting her hurt eyes, I explained how things were going to work here. “Anything you want to learn, I’ll teach you.”

  The tension eased from her face and she smiled. “Yeah, but Jake said we get to punch him. Are you going to let me punch you?”

  “Yeah, baby.” Any way I could get her hands on me was okay. The idea of training her appealed to me. A lot. So I slipped my hand around her waist and pulled her against me. She melted into my side, and just like that, the last thing on my mind was business.

  Thankfully, the party was winding down. Every class for the next month had a full roster. We signed up a lot of new members and many other people said they’d be back. Overall, it was a success.

  Teller offered Trinity a ride home, but to my surprise, she declined.

  After locking up, I found her cleaning and packing stuff away.

  “Stop, Trin. You’ve done enough tonight.”

  “I don’t want to leave you a mess to clean up tomorrow,” she huffed over her shoulder as she bent to pick up a discarded napkin.

  In that position, her dress rose a few inches, giving me a glimpse of her sleek thighs. Thighs I hadn’t seen in way too long.

  “You’re going to get your dress all dirty,” I warned her. My voice came out low and scratchy, so I took a sip of water from the bottle in my hand.

  She straightened and turned. “Oh yeah. I’m not used to wearing anything nice. I should change back.”

  “Don’t.”

  She flicked a surprised glance at me, and I shrugged. “You look pretty.”

  A soft smile brightened her face. “Thank you.”

  She started walking toward my office, so I followed.

  “What’d you think of Jake?” Fuck. Why the hell did I ask her that?